"I don't want to die".

Doesn't that disturb you? just a bit? or have we become so accustomed to death and destruction that plea is going to be forgotton once he does die. cuz chances are he will. sk isnt gonna pull out their troops, and the terrorists arent gonna back down on their threat.

i have a friend who believes the end is near. sometimes i wish it would just come. we've come pretty far in ending it ourselves as it is.

yes, im disturbed. no, i dont need or want to talk. i find it vaguely amusing that despite my msn nick being dont talk to me, ppl still say hi. or variations of you ok. think i've been acting out of character...or changing character. which disturbs. not only me.

"It's never too late to say you're sorry."
"Sometimes people die."
"That would be a good band name."
--Written on the wall of the women's bathroom at Triple Rock.
Funny. in a sad sort of way.

Watch micheal jackson's number one hits on startv. mj nv fails to make me cry. i dont know why - maybe it's cuz he's so good it's painful. im an mj supporter. i think he's misunderstood, ppl juz look for chances to bring down idols, and he needs a bit more love. like everyone else. did i say mj nv fails to make me cry? well, almost. tear. yeah.

this is gonna be a long post. the council room has been handed over.(is there such a phrase?) duties. done. not all, im lagging on one. gonna regret that too. but everything has a price i guess. decisions too. stupid, irresponsible, immature, rash decisions. made on the spur of the moment. felt for years afterward. by many people. *shrugs* well, no. but no point crying over it. if only i believe myself.

im prepared for maths. prepared-er for chem. unprepared for econs. i dont know what i want anymore. happiness doesnt seem to be one of the options. it's always: happiness. and to do so i will a) get a degree b) get a good (PAYING) job c) be admired by others d) be envyed

bulls**t. im not happy, no. and i wont be by doing a b c or d. or all of the above. one thing that might help is letting me live my own life. but apparently ttz not on the cards either. i supposed it'll be easy to blame people. but it's fairer to blame society. fairer still to blame no one but my fear of rejection. cuz ttz wat would happen if i really am who i am and do what i want, i guess. but it's becoming less of what i want to do and more what i need to do. which makes not doing it even more painful.

love. pure love. ttz what i had in the baka family, what we had in council, what i have with my closest frenz, what i have in my family. but sometimes we let the others get in. and ruin everything. but because it's pure love, we survive. but it still hurts. like hell.

this is a long post isnt it. and not characteristic at all. let's lighten things up a bit.

"You know, Dad's not made of money."
--A very serious 5 year old, to her mother who was trying on footwear in the shoe department of Macy*s.

Hilarious. just so you know, im plagarising from inpassing.org. which is on my links bar. it's hilarious. which is what i think of a 930 bedtime. what wouldnt be hilarious would be if i didnt go. sigh. g'nite, world. wish it were g'bye.