::Dawn::

Saturday, August 14, 2004

It's a month to my birthday!!!!
(hint hint nudge nudge) *grinz*
Hee. Went for The Angina Monologues last nite...Jacintha. She really can sing, although she needs to work on the monologue part a little. But it was pretty good. It was at the Cafe Studios...or Studio Cafe...or something like that. The Arts House. Yeah. and everybody there seemed to know each other. it was like a social gathering. Beautiful. Ohh and there was this part
Jac: Bloody fish net stockings...keep getting caught
Ang Moh guy: *laughs at her*
Jac: *glares*. You try! *looking at another group of men* Of course, you boys have, havnt you?
lol. It was such a warm, almost family like atmosphere. nothing like a stage play. And she has such a velvety voice...sigh. the keyboardist was great too...she kept having to cue jacintha in cuz she kept missing the sequence haha. AND there was this cute indian boy but nvm. *winkz*
Anyway, I had a pretty good week. im so glad im over any adoloscent crushy yicky feelings. they tend to ruin everything haha. so being free from any crush, infatuation or relationship ROCKS. no mood swings, no self esteem problems, no heart ache, no head aches. and i dont have to worry about how i look, as long as I like it. FREEDOM. oh yeah. :p
I still havnt finished that Jane Eyre essay though. Gonna start and finish it right after I'm done blogging. And if you don't see me online it's cuz I promised myself I wont come online till I have no more work to do. haha. Lit rocks. As does 3304. It's hilarious.
Scene: TJC Library, 2nd floor, 2nd table in front of the staircase
Players: Siying, Azzah, Eunice, Houston and yours truly
Action: Well, supposedly doing maths, studying lit, studying lit, studying history and doing maths respectively. But...
We ended up coming up with this stupid dictionary cum thesaurus thing. haha. Thus, we are Eunice once a month (yes, boys AND girls), should not do a Mostapha if we wanna get any marks for a test, are doing a Siying when we cant hear what goes on right next to us, not do an Azzah if we dont want the whole lecture hall to stare at us, shouldnt do a Houston if we dont wanna get thrown in jail and really really shouldnt do a Valerie cuz nobody likes getting poked. Im entitled to though, cuz i AM Valerie. and there was a whole lot more, but i cant really remember. haha. (and if you don't understand this, it's perfectly alright. it's a proof of your sanity.)
AND i failed NAFA. again. sigh. demoralizing, really. except that i didnt train, so i didnt expect anything. Still. im gonna train for the re-test. it's so sad. and it really cant be that hard to do, so i AM gonna pass it.
Speaking about sanity, have you heard about the insanity theory? well, basically it states that if you think you are sane, you arent. now that you agree that you arent, you are sane. changed your mind? that means you re insane. and blah blah blah. ingenious. 3304. has GOT to read it. haha.
Hrm. that jane eyre essay is staring at me. seriously. i can see it's eyes. that is freaky. ok. gtg...will be back :D

| Written at 11:03 AM | ~*~*~*~

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I can never stay angry for long
and i'm of the opinion that's not really a good thing. especially when it means i never really do carry out threats to nv speak to ppl again, or to nv forgive them. cuz i inevitably do.
but then i cant seem to blame someone forever. unless i really really dont like you for some inexplicable reason. in which case, sorry mate. havn't come across anyone quite like that yet though. if this is how i feel about friends, i nv wanna get attached. (and if you actually understood that leap, well done.)
i miss school. lol. not just frenz u noe, school school. last time it was council and guitar. tt was it. now it's actually school. classmates, tutors, tutorials. i think im nuts. i love my class. 3304 ROCKS. *grinz* i especially love tt little (but expanding) group - azzah, eunice, si ying, jacq, dora and the guys haha. can't help but pity them a little...they are so bullied haha. especially houston. poor guy. the rest are too un-gentlemanly (or too absent) to actually be in an extremely bullyable situation. anywayz. wednesday is a slack day. free period, econs lecture, maths lecture, gp lecture, home. beautiful. except tt it's econs lecture (lt1), maths lecture (lt2), and gp lecture (lt1). and nobody likes us late. it is nice to be universally adored. *winkz*
my dogs are hungry. and crying. think i should go feed them, no? heh. im in a better mood now. i think i have mood swings. from now on, i will be staid, predictable, and *gasp* boring?!?! no way. i like me the way i am. if you dont, kindly lump it. :D

| Written at 4:17 PM | ~*~*~*~

Cry
Turn then and flee bitter tears
I would have none with thee
Charm me not with thy sweet allures
Of release of pain and jealousy

Turn then and flee bitter tears
I bid thee now goodbye
Your soothing rasp
I do not fear
None will see me cry

Turn then and flee bitter tears
I plead I beg I pray
Your onslaught near o'erpowers me
No! This dragon I will slay.

and i thought i was done with this poem. oh well.
At least my To Do list has shortend considerably. (i think shortened is spelt wrong. hrm.) Finished all my maths and econs...only have lit left now. and a thomas hardy test on thurs.
Found this great station - billboard radio. great hits.
You know tt jazz concert on sat i was talking abt? cant go. i still dont understand why my parents dont trust me out on my own. they say it's cuz they dont trust the ppl around me. ie they dont trust my frenz. which is, insulting to say the least. still, i do make error judgements about trust. got that fact rubbed in a few days ago. but STILL. i was looking forward to it. hope i can go for dinner tomorrow. i hate having my decisions made for me. which is why i love school so much. even if i screw up, it's because i made the wrong choice. i can live with that. haha.
Random thought of the day: Hip hop backwards is poh pih.
even I didn't understand that.
1 month 4 days to my 18th bday. I don't want anything...no, not even that siberian tiger :p Just...knowing that im treasured as much as i treasure. which, i suppose, is pretty selfish, no? ah wellz.
I think zenon's blog is one of the most focused, and least self-centered ones around. seriously. 'zid's is the most confusing and entertaining - even when i DO understand what he's talking about. lynette has the prettiest, toot has the most honest. and aaron's has the nicest sunsets. and most self-denial. my sister's hasnt been updated since december.
oh well. back to lit. ciaoz!

| Written at 1:00 PM | ~*~*~*~

Sunday, August 08, 2004

And you would think I would have learnt my lesson
evidently not. well tt's it i guess. the walls are up and they aint coming down. wonder what took me so long. *shrugz* bet you don't even know who you are.
I'm finally gaining in my battle for faith. it's coming back to me. haha...today in church...was the first time in a long while i felt this way. Thank You.
Adonai
One single drop of rain
Your salty tear became blue ocean
One tiny grain of sand turning in your hand
A world in motion
You're out beyond the furthest Morning Star
Close enough to hold me in Your arms
Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai
You are the Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai
One timid faithful knock
Resounds up the Rock of Ages
One trembling heart and soul
Becomes a servant bold and courageous
You call across the mountains and the seas
I answer from the deepest part of me
From age to age you reign in Majesty
And today You're making miracles in me

by Lewis/Ferro/Koch
The fire is rekindling. :p
Happy National Day in advance peeps.
God bless, g'nite!

| Written at 8:45 PM | ~*~*~*~

And for the record, I DONT LIKE ANYONE currently. Strictly platonic. ok? tease me again and i WILL bite your head off. sheesh.

| Written at 3:40 PM | ~*~*~*~

Sometimes people don't do what they want to do, because they don't want other people to know what they want to do
The village rocks. Not much of a horror movie, (although i admit i had my head in my hands quite a lot. yeah ok, im chicken.) but psychologically compelling. which is worse? a real monster? or one you made up to protect what you believed in?
anyway. that quote struck me for more than one reason. isnt it true? people don't do what they want to do, because they don't want other people to know what they want to do. it's sad though, isn't it? you live your life wanting to do something, and have ample opportunity. you don't do it though, because you don't want others to know that you want to. like telling someone how you feel. infinitely sad.
Watched the revenge of the dim sum dollies. hilarious. flippant. bold. crushingly enlightening. hahaha. i think emma yong was the best. giggling girls. lol.
looking forward to wednesday. *grinz*
there's a jazz concert on sat...next sat at the arts house. yippee. :p
There's a card on my desk with the heading: National Day Hols - Things to Do:
1. Thomas Hardy notes
2. Jane Eyre essay
3. Boey Kim Cheng notes
4. Lit Lecture Test (PC)
5. Complete Econs TYS
6. Econs summaries -> mkt structure
7. Tutorial 28
8. Maths summaries -> Integration
9. DRQ exercises
and im here blogging. sheesh. hahahaha think i'll get down to it. procrastination is the root of all evil. ciaoz!

| Written at 2:50 PM | ~*~*~*~